11/16/05 by Mark | Blog, Uncategorized | No Comments »
“Why must my life be so hard?” I ask myself because I can’t find a spare stamp and still don’t have a record deal. Things are pretty quiet around here. Inquiry emails sent out rarely get responses. Phone calls are useless. How in the world am I supposed to have an amazing life if people aren’t willing to do their part to help me out? Sometimes, I’m just baffled by the amount of potential I seem to be drowning in.
About two years ago, in conversation with a friend, we decided that we could waste our lives waiting to be invited to all the cool parties. Meaning, sometimes it seems like the “people that have” in the music industry keep getting, and the “people that don’t have” don’t get anything. I’m talking about opportunities here, pardon the difficult analogy. But me and my friend decided that if we were tired of waiting to be invited to other people’s parties, the best answer would be to throw our own. So…
I’m throwing a party.
What it looks like is me investing in the lives of people around me. It looks like me taking time to care for myself: through physical exercise, rest, entertainment, good food & drink. It looks like creative risk-taking. Loving, laughing, listening. Calling people out of the blue to see how they’re doing. Finding and listening to music that I love. Reading great books. Drinking coffee frequently. And more that I can’t even put words on. But what it ultimately comes down to, is living for today…not waiting or hoping for what I’d like to see happen. There’s incredible beauty and joy being offered to me today. Sometimes I just have to take my eyes off of my own navel to see it.
The sky is really blue today. The air is crisp. I am loved well by many people in my life. I have great hope and optimism for the future (Jer. 29:11), but even better…today rocks. I am a very rich man and I’m throwing a party.
And you’re invited.
11/14/05 by Mark | Blog, Uncategorized | No Comments »
Sometimes man writes songs for others, sometimes for himself…
I KNOW
VERSE ONE:
It’s a long way down from cloud number nine
Just a day ago it all seemed so fine
Seems the fall has got the best of you
Climbed the mountain only to lose the view
I promise, it’s not time to give up
Even if the promised land feels so far away
CHORUS:
Cause I know, I’ve got plans for you (Hold on)
Working it out, only for your good
There’s hope on the way, and a bright tomorrow
I know, I know, you can trust me (Hold on)
VERSE TWO:
Your yellow brick road’s turned a bit grey
Can’t see past all that’s in the way
But every step is taking you closer
To where your heart knows you’re not alone
I promise, if you don’t give up
The promised land won’t seem so far away
CHORUS:
Cause I know, I’ve got plans for you (Hold on)
Working it out, only for your good
There’s hope on the way, and a bright tomorrow
I know, I know, you can trust me (Hold on)
11/13/05 by Mark | Blog, Uncategorized | No Comments »
Wow. Cindy Morgan has a great CD coming out after the first of the year. She should be the most successful artist in the world because she’s so amazingly talented. Check out her LISTEN project if you haven’t heard of her. Regardless, her new project has a song called “Postcard From My Journey To Me” — actually it’s just called “Postcards” – but I like the long title. It has amazing lines like: “If you can’t find the answers from anyone else, you just have to see for yourself.” If I wrote a postcard from me, this is what I’d write today…
HELLO MY DEAR FRIEND! How are you? Hope this finds you swimming around in the blessings of God and feeling His love. I’m having an amazing time here. Even though it might not look exactly like I had hoped it would, there is much beauty to be seen. While I’m here, I’m discovering that I can either focus on what I don’t have, or what I hope will happen in the future…or what probably won’t happen in the future…OR I can dwell in a place of gratitude for what is right here in front of me. The view is amazing from here. Why do I still desire different mountain vistas or other glorious sunsets? It’s pretty much a waste of time and grandeur. Yes, it’s great to be here. Still, I’ll be home real soon. I look forward to our time together. See you then! Love, me
“I’m searchin, I’m travelin, my life’s been unravelin, and still don’t know where this will lead. Enjoying the weather, I’ll get it together, so don’t worry I’ll send you a postcard from my journey to me.” — Cindy Morgan
11/10/05 by Mark | Blog, Uncategorized | No Comments »
Yes, I’m a wannabe. I don’t want to settle for just getting by in life. I don’t want to live according to what other people think I should do or be. I bring this up because I’ve got an awesome new friend who appears to be on a mission of helping me to “find my wings.” When I think about what he must be thinking, I can only think that he perceives me as not really knowing who I am, or how I want to live my life. Well, heck. That’s mostly not true. I actually really like who I am. I feel pretty grateful for the live I’ve lived, who I’ve become, and I feel very loved by those around me that know me. Even still, there is a part of me that is still living for everyone in my life, except for me. I mean, I place a really high importance on keeping people impressed with who I am and what I’m doing. Heck, life is better when people are impressed with me.
But what I’m currently experimenting with is revealing portions of myself to the people I’m closest with, and allowing them to see my fears and insecurities, as well as my great hopes and dreams for the future. This is slightly frightening to some people who care about me. Because as I express some of my wild thoughts and my desire for adventure, I’m hearing a lot of things like, “Just be careful,” or “Are you sure about that?” It’s cool to have people care about me, perhaps even more than I care about myself at times. And honestly, I want people to help me to see when I might be making decisions that are completely crazy.
But I do want to find my wings.
I want to journey beyond what I’ve been told I can do. I want to live dreaming bigger than what others deem reasonable. I want to do things that other people might think are wrong, and find out for myself whether they are wrong for me. I want to live diving deeply into what I’m wondering will make my heart sing. And I’m pretty convinced it looks a lot different than sitting in my recliner and watching the week’s TiVo’d programs. I’m also convinced it looks a lot different than living according to other people’s expectations of me. That means I might disappoint people who I care about. Heck, I might even get hurt. But there’s something about entering into the battle for my heart that feels really good. It even feels a little scary…a little confusing…a bit unsettled. But I’m going to keep fighting, hoping to get to a place of peace and contentment on the other side. A nirvana of sorts that has been constructed not by other people, but by me.
“Until then, I’ll just be me. Even if I don’t know what that means.” (from “Superfamous” – check it out on my profile page or on www.myspace.com/marksmeby)
